BEGINS WITH
Love is an emotion related to a sense of strong affection and attachment. Love can be express verbally or non-verbally. Simple actions such as, a peck of kiss on the cheeks and the warmth of a hug, speaks a thousand words of love.
With love, two individuals are brought together and they vow to be life partners. However, the number of people keeping to the vow has been decreasing.
Minister for Community Development, Youth and Sports Dr Vivian Balakrishnan said, the general divorce rate increased from 3.8 per 1,000 married resident females in 1980 to 8.0 in 2006.
He also mentioned that, two decades ago, only 2.6% of civil marriages registered in 1987 lasted less than five years, now 3.8% of the 2002 marriage cohort divorced before the fifth year. In addition, about 21% of divorces in 2005 were between spouses who had been married for 20 years or more.
Therefore, it is not true to mention that the trend is only increasing among the young couple.
Counseling services were offered, marriage talks were organized and Family Day was celebrated for the past years. Many activities were introduced to enhance effective communication between partners but the trend shows otherwise.
What are the main causes for the trend? Is communication the main problem? Or are there other barriers to ever lasting marriages? Where is the LOVE?
ENDS WITH
Hey Ayu! :)
ReplyDeleteLooks like love didn't quite turn out to be a many splendoured thing for a number of married couples. :(
Goodness! The divorce rate among married resident females has actually doubled. The fact that some couples call for a divorce after 20 years or more also makes for very disturbing reading.
Personally, I think that the government is already doing what it can to arrest this trend. I think that the problem fundamentally lies with modern day society and both parties in the marriage, and yes, communication is very much a key issue here.
I think one of the most basic yet important questions every dating couple should ask themselves before they even consider tying the knot is: "Why do I want to get married?" Some people marry out of loneliness or desperation. Others marry to satisfy their sexual hunger. Some people also wed in order to fill up their emotional and spiritual emptiness. To me, all these are very wrong reasons for wanting to get married. When people wed for the wrong reasons, their marriage will already be on shaky ground right from the start, thus resulting in a high likelihood of divorce.
I also feel that communication is key to a good marriage. One of the most often heard reasons for divorce is "I don't talk to him/her anymore. I just don't know what to say, I can't get through to him/her!" The importance of communication cannot be overstated. If man and wife don't have a healthy way of expressing their thoughts and emotions to each other, of speaking and being heard, then everything else will ultimately crumble.
In short, it is essential for a married person to try to understand what his/her partner is saying on a simple level as well as try to analyze the underlying message/desire. This requires active listening and being able to pick up non-verbal cues among other effective communication skills.
Being someone who will be entering into married life sometime in the near future, I'm glad I took this module! :) Nice post Ayu!
Mark
This is an intelligent and timely post on an important topic for all of us, Ayu. I like the way you introduce marriage and then provide information from the minister about divorce. I also appreciate the way you pose related questions for each of us to consider.
ReplyDeleteYou mention the various social services and the Family Day provided for resolving marriage conflict and helping to bolster marriage. Ironically, it seems to me that the spiraling economic pressures of modern life, including the need for both partners in a marriage to work just to survive, has taken its toll. With the stated goal in Singapore for having X number of millions of people, in order to achieve some sort of optimal market demand, the pressures will increase. Aren't measures like Family Day just band-aid approaches to a more deeply seated problem.
Hello ayu,
ReplyDeleteI love your entry! Your post is something that concerns everyone, really. From what I know, there are barely any cases of divorce in the past during our grandparents’ era, so what has the world become of? Ultimately fidelity is a matter of personal choice; somehow I feel that the concept of being faithful in a marriage has been blurred as we became modernized. This not only causes social problem, it also potentially degrades our moral ethics.
Communication plays a major role in a marriage; many marriages broke down because of misunderstandings and unaccommodating spouses. Either way, we should hold a more positive outlook towards solving conflicts, because that is the first step in resolving any issues.
SW
Hi Ayu,
ReplyDeleteI like how you incorporated two nice videos as a prelude and ending to your blogpost!
I agree with Mark, where sometimes it isn't just the constant bickering that leads to a breakdown in relationships. A more serious problem occurs when people simply gave up on communicating. I think couples should realize that there is a big difference between compromising, and keeping things to themselves to the point where they can't take it anymore. Maybe people are just afraid that when they trash it out, things may turn ugly? But I think at the end of the day, if they put in the effort, no problems would go unsolved. At the very least, they wouldn't live with any regrets of not trying.
To me, coping with changes would be one barrier to ever-lasting marriage. Can the person cope with the fact that his/her spouse is not always going to be the same? Another would be dealing with another person's habits, quirky or otherwise. Initally you might find some of these habits "cute" or "funnny", but twenty years down the road, how would you communicate to your significant other that you can't stand his habit of breaking wind in front of you? :)
evelia
Hi Mark,
ReplyDeleteI do agree with you when you mentioned that all couples should ask themselves what’s their motive of getting married. Besides that, I think they should ask themselves if they are ready to commit to one person and put aside some of their social activities. They must be aware that being in a relationship differs from being married. Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
Hi Shi Wei,
You got a point when you mentioned that divorce will cause social problem, and potentially degrades our moral ethics. From my opinion, a broken marriage will affect the family greatly especially if they have children. The children will be affected mentally, emotionally and even physically. Most of these children’s will receive less attention and love from their parents. This may lead the child to turn to their peers for attention. Subsequently, they will get involve into negative activities if they were to turn to the wrong groups of friends. Thank you for your suggestions and comments
Hi Evelia,
I agree that coping with changes is one of the most important factors in preserving a marriage. Our characters and behaviors changes due to the different experiences we encounter. Most importantly, our physical appearance will be 99% different in 30 years time. These are some of the factors that we must be aware of before making the vow. Thank you for your time and comments.
Ayu :)
Hi Ayu,
ReplyDeleteFirst, apologises for not being a good blog buddy and always returning your edited posts late.
My take on marriage is that I believe that not everyone understands the meaning of a marriage and thus belittling it. What is your definition of marriage and what do you expect from it? Conflicts arise when expectations don't match and thus needs to be resolved, through numerous disagreements we learn more about each other. Finally, a "blissful" marriage. On the other hand, can a peaceful quarrel-free marriage be happy for both parties?
My girlfriend asked that we not get married but co-habitat (stay together but not lawfully married). I replied, "then we cannot buy HDB". The definition of marriage in Singapore. =)
Dear Ayu,
ReplyDeleteWhy is it then that so many people, who want and need to be close to someone, end up divorced, often filled with anger and disappointment? This is what I think, many who marry attempt to achieve a strong, enduring bond based primarily on emotions. In most relationships the love and acceptance continue as long as the other person is meeting a certain level of expectation. If the feelings are warm, a husband and wife can enjoy one another's company, overlook a partner's troubling or annoying traits, communicate adequately, and still express affection.
But when the feelings reside, one or both find they have no reserves or capability to love an obviously imperfect person. Now needs are not met, which causes hurt, which promotes defensiveness, which reduces positive communication, which heightens misunderstanding, which provokes conflict, which fuels anger and bitterness. If forgiveness and reconciliation do not break this downward spiral, the ability to love one another is paralyzed.
This pattern in nearly all relationships may be avoided for awhile as long as the tough issues that provoke selfishness do not exist or are obscured. But sooner or later reality hits. In spite of a couple's best intentions, they eventually realize that two independent people cannot both have all of their needs met all of the time.
Hi Elvin,
ReplyDeleteI do agree with you that sometimes couples have the wrong idea and understanding about getting together.
Ayu :)
Hi Dinidu,
ReplyDeletefrom my opinion, nowadays people are less willing to give in and negotiate. They believe that they are right most of the time and apologizing is something very difficult to be done.
Futhermore, people tend t miss used the advancement of technology. For example with the aid of handphones, people tend to vent their anger through smses without thinking twice and they will regret later when damaged is done.
And i think people are quite egoistic and demanding also.
Ayu